Two major developments have taken place in the last couple of days, which should come as a shot in the arm of those who want Gorkhaland. One is the news of the launch of a apolitically-politically- group Frustrated Youths Association of Darjeeling – FYAD, the other is the formation of a new committee in Delhi who will fight for Gorkhaland, from Delhi JUSTICE LEAGUE OF GORKHALAND: BRAINIEST GORKHAS OF THE UNIVERSE.
The news that a new apolitically-politically group FYAD was launched in Darjeeling on 6th of April 2019 has sent terror waves across both the politically-political TMC-TMC BT and GJMM-GNLF-BJP camps.
Sources say that think tanks of both the camps were seen huddling together till late last night (6th April) trying to find a way to destroy FYAD. After a lengthy deliberation, when no solution seemed possible (primarily because nobody knows who the members are or where they are based) , some members in both the camps felt that it was time to bury the khukuri, between the existing rivals and combine forces to destroy the upstart FYAD. But better sense prevailed and they decided that FYAD or no FYAD the enmity remains, because of the sheer confusion it may cause.
With political leaders joining/praising/denouncing/ leaving/ jabarjasti staying and claiming its my party-my party/ vis-à-vis Bimal Gurung or Mamata Banerjee, not only the common man and political pundits, even the party members are getting confused. Apparently even people in the TMC camp are now saying things like,
- “I support TMC from head to toe, but my index finger belongs to BJP”,
- “Amar Sir lai vote deu, kamal ko phul ma”
- “Mamata Didi amar rahos, BJP le jiti halos!”.
Top neurologists at Darjeeling Sadar Hospital who have been studying this disorder closely say that the tumultuous events of past two-years have led to this nervous breakdown. They also say that both TMC-BT and GNLF-GJM-BJP camps were waiting to see Bimal Gurung at the airport (for vastly different reasons) on the 4th April but were instead visually, aurally, physiologically assaulted by Horlicks Aunty’s ‘we don’t want illeterated leaders in our hills‘ rant
The top neurologists at Darjeeling Sadar Hospital also consulted their colleagues in Kurseong Sub-divisional hospital and diagnosed this widespread epidemic as a severe case of PTSD – PARTY (ma fyada hunjail ) TYAPPAI (hunay, nahunda) SIDE (lagnay) DISORDER, a most severe form of the everyday Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It seems these doctors are well on their way to win a Nobel Prize in 2020.
If political parties in Darjeeling were perturbed, flabbergasted, confused, or in layman’s word- “tauko gajyang gunjung bhayo” a set of people in the Delhi who are always watching events in Darjeeling very closely have decided that this is an opportune moment to announce their own committee of purebred Khhatti intellectuals. So that this committee remains the overriding committee (BAAP OF ALL COMMITTEES) of intellectuals. They have decided to call it JUSTICE LEAGUE OF GORKHALAND: BRAINIEST GORKHAS OF THE UNIVERSE.
In order to ensure democratic in the organization, they have laid down some criteria for those who may wish to join:
- Must have zero political experience.
- Must despise elected politicians in Darjeeling.
- Must be frustrated because of a history of not being acknowledged by the masses in Darjeeling.
- Must have an unflinching desire to be M.P.
- Along with a sense of entitlement they must also have someone in the Bengal Camp so they can swing both ways.
- Must own a phone with a good camera, with extensive knowledge of Facebook Live.
- Must be able to use words like ‘proletariat’, ‘subaltern’, ‘neo-liberalism’, ‘brahmanical patriarchy’, ‘manuvaad’, ‘socio-feminism’, ‘fascism’, ‘trotskyism’, ‘intellectuals’, ‘intellectualization’, ‘intellectualism’, ‘intellectualized’, ‘convention’, ‘convocation’, ‘seminars’, ‘brain-storming’, etc.
- Must have utter and complete contempt for anyone who’s not them or from among them
- Must have zero to no contact with the grassroots issue, people and political realities of the region.
- Must have learnt English language from any of these sources:
- Rapidex English language book
- 3-month English speaking course
- From the Indian guy who teaches English via rap songs which is available on You Tube.
After laying down the criteria the spokesperson for the it JUSTICE LEAGUE OF GORKHALAND: BRAINIEST GORKHAS OF THE UNIVERSE announced that membership has been closed. But rest assured it’s looking good.
*This news has been reported by a source who doesn’t want to be named because she is also vying for a membership into the FYAD.
Disclaimer: The content of this report is a work of pure satire. Readers are requested not to believe in any of the claim or account or content of this news report.